If you’ve come here today looking for hot takes, sorry, I can’t help you. I’m going to join forces with 350 million other Americans and tell you a 76-team NCAA basketball tournament is the worst idea since cement dirigibles.

This is like owning a purring Maserati and yet deciding what it really needs is to open the hood and tinker with the carburetion. It’s tantamount to devouring a hefty bowl of Ben and Jerry’s and concluding that what you really ought to have is another pint of it.

It’s not yet written in stone, but far enough down the NCAA pike to be a fait accompli, not that the howling has subsided.

“Why the hell are the people (in charge) want to mess with GOLD,” tweeted Dick Vitale, who broke out all-caps to express his dismay. “Take care of REAL PROBLEMS.”

Bob Ryan, the former Boston Globe columnist and as grounded and savvy an observer of basketball as you’ll find, tweeted, “The NCAA tournament was perfect at 64. Anything else is shameful greed exhibited by power conferences. Anyone who loves the sport knows this is the gospel truth.”

But the NCAA apparatchiks instead hewed to the gospel according to people like Greg Sankey, the SEC commissioner, who a few years ago surveyed gravely the fact that SEC teams were only planting eight or nine teams in the NCAA-tournament field and lamented that one of his members deserved better, despite the fact it finished something like 19-14 and 8-10.

That guillotine, combined with the SEC’s muscle and the hovering specter of a complete breakaway in today’s roiled college landscape, has eventually helped nudge the bracket from 68 teams to 76.

As well, there was some overheated fretting that the NCAA, with 350 Division I men’s teams, had strayed from an adequate percentage qualifying for the tournament. By all means, then, make it easier for the laggards.

Now we’ll have the Greenberg Corollary every March. Before he became an adroit talking head on ESPN’s college hoops coverage, Seth Greenberg was a college coach, and in my circle, we used to joke about how, annually, his Virginia Tech team was on the NCAA bubble. ESPN would dial him up after his team was eliminated from the ACC tournament, and Greenberg figuratively fell to his knees to lobby for the Hokies to make the big dance.

His pleas were imaginative but rarely persuasive, because Va Tech missed the NCAA field four straight years (2008-11) and landed in the NIT. One year, part of Greenberg’s pitch was that the Hokies beat a team that beat another really good team, a novel use of the transitive property.

Greenberg came along a couple of decades too early, because those Tech squads would no doubt have made a 76-team field.

If the NCAA doesn’t want to put Greenberg’s name on the event, it might opt for the Juice Boxes and Animal Crackers Classic. You know, the post-game snacks that kids routinely get after their tee-ball games, just for showing up.

Obviously, there are people, chiefly TV network execs, that think this expansion can fly. That it will clear a reasonable profit. It’s just that after a long season, five months of preseason practice and games and challenges, that bubble invariably includes some teams that are just looking to put away the balls. Guys are looking to be done with this, to dive into the transfer portal or enter the draft.

That could make for some bad TV. And overall, I don’t sense that the hoops-viewing public has looked at the First Four games in Dayton and panted, “Please, shoot more of this into my veins.”

This year, Auburn was the most-debated bubble team, at 17-16. It’s not a very long leap to see a .500 team in the field in a 76-team tournament, or even (gulp) somebody with a losing record.

Why is it that so many moves in college sports today run diametrically counter to common sense and fan sentiment?

Maybe we on the West Coast have PTSD, having witnessed the obliteration of the Pac-12 Conference so people like Sankey and former Big Ten counterpart Kevin Warren could indulge their realignment jones. Sure, that will be a financial boost to Washington, Oregon and the LA schools, but the Big Ten has been absolutely toxic for basketball for those four, requiring five trips (including the league tournament) to the Midwest, yet a single flight for the Big Ten legacy schools coming west.

But expansion is coming, even as most fans hold their noses.

Oh, and Seth Greenberg? He joined the tens of people, weighing in that 76 is a good thing. For him, it just came too late.