Excuse us; we Mariner fans out here are sort of baseball hayseeds. The club has been to the playoffs six times in 49 seasons, and never to the World Series, so we’re a little new to all this October frenzy.

We thought getting to the playoffs was like, you know, more of a linear experience. As in, when you’re good enough to get there, you don’t have these hysterical mood swings. But one day, the Mariners are the ’61 Yankees, the next they’re the ’24 White Sox. You’d think, given the 162 games and all, it’d be a steady ride devoid of bottomless potholes and heroin highs.

It’s been anything but. Grab a seat on this runaway roller coaster and relive the dizzying yin and yang of the 2025 Mariner season:

April

In the third series of 2025, they get swept by the Giants and Victor Robles tears up his shoulder running into a net in rightfield. A net in rightfield? What’s up with that? They’re 3-7 after a winter of inactivity. The fan base wants to fire Dan Wilson, Jerry Dipoto and John Stanton. It’ll be hard to fire Stanton, since he’s the owner.

A week later, they sweep the Rangers in three games at home – or what they pretty much always do to the Rangers in Seattle.

May

The Mariners get swept over three games at home against the Blue Jays. They’re awful. They can’t pitch or hit.

The next weekend, they go on the road and sweep the Padres, allowing one run per game. This team can both pitch and hit.

On the 29th and 30th, they have the most Mariner two-game stretch imaginable, and at home, yet. First, they go to extra innings against the Nationals, who score a franchise-extra inning record seven runs in the 10th and win, 9-3. Against the Twins the next night, Seattle takes a 6-3 lead into the ninth, Andres Munoz melts down and it goes extras again, and Minnesota scores six in the 10th to win, 12-6. The Nats and Twins would combine to finish 52 games under .500.

June

In their first full series of the month, the M’s get swept in Seattle by the Orioles. The Orioles. There’s a school of thought that the Mariners are actually better on the road.

The week after, in Phoenix, they get swept by the Diamondbacks. Now there’s a school of thought that they’re not good on the road, either.

But in that series opener, two names emerge: Dom Canzone, called up that day, murders a two-run, 450-foot homer to send the game to extra innings. He would hit .300 the rest of the way and shed a label as a Four-A player. And Josh Naylor won the game for the D-Backs with a grand slam. You’ve probably heard of him.

Later that week, they come home and sweep the Guardians.

A week later, here they are in a windblown, Wiffleball series at Wrigley Field, taking two of three against the capable Cubs, mostly because twice, they get two-homer, five-RBI games from Mitch Garver and Donovan Solano, which is a little like winning a football parlay with the Giants, Jets and Panthers. Those two homers would account for two-thirds of Solano’s eventual season home run total.

July

Early in the month, they sweep three against the Pirates at home, not allowing a run. The Mariners rock.

They immediately go on the road and get swept by the Yankees, in signature Mariner fashion, allowing 25 runs and losing the finale despite Bryan Woo carrying a no-hitter into the eighth with a 5-0 lead. No team in baseball has nursed such a late no-hitter with that lead, and lost, in 48 years. This team is finished.

They go into Detroit, the team with the best record in baseball, score 35 runs and sweep the Tigers. This team clearly has what it takes.

August

They’re off on a seven-game win streak against the Rangers, White Sox and Rays at home. They’ve finally got this thing figured out.

On the road again, the Mariners lose two of three to the bedraggled Orioles, two of three to the Mets, and they surrender 29 runs in getting drubbed over three games by the Phillies. They’re cooked.

They rebound to win series at home against the A’s and Padres. They’re headed back out on the road again, and surely, chastened by the awful 2-7 trip earlier in the month, they’ll blitz this one.

They lose two of three to the Guardians, three straight to the Rays in which they allow 25 runs, and drop the opener to Atlanta. Now they’re 73-68, just a pedestrian baseball team staggering to the inevitable finish. Put a fork in ‘em.

September

On a Saturday night marking three weeks until the season’s last weekend, Julio Rodriguez hits a tiebreaking two-run homer, his second of the game, and the Mariners beat Atlanta, 10-2. The next day, they really beat Atlanta, 18-2.

They come home and win three edgy games against the Cardinals, 4-2, 5-3, 4-2. The last of those is in 13 innings, courtesy of a two-run walkoff homer by Leo Rivas. Leo Rivas?

Suddenly, they can’t lose. They win 10 in a row, lose one and win seven in a row, including three against the despicable Astros.

They’re the AL West champions. Naturally, in the final series, they get swept by the Dodgers, the eighth time somebody swept them over three games.

Bring on the post-season. We think.